Give me Order
by zigachu
Summary: Steve tries to help Bucky resume his life after being the winter soldier by giving him orders. #Stucky #domsteve #subbucky #dom/sub #control #agnst #smut #comfort #natasha #sam #domnatasha #subsam #wordporn
1. Chapter 1

Steve has been desperately trying to make life easier for Bucky since he found him.

The person Steve found four months ago isn't quite Bucky. But he isn't quite The Winter Soldier anymore either. He's somewhere in between. Broken and torn between two worlds.

Steve can see it in his eyes. He knows James remembers who he used to be, and he sees how desperately he wants to be good again.

But Bucky is good. If Steve could just show him that. Deep down, Bucky has always been good. It was him being good that got him that got him in this mess in the first place. He was just following orders when he boarded that train with Steve, just as he was following orders when he was brain washed.

Which is why Steve found himself talking to Natasha about this. Natasha knew better than anyone what Bucky must be going through.

They met in a local café. Natasha released her fiery hair from a pony tail and let it flow down her shoulders and back. "So what exactly do you think I can help you with?"

Steve sighed, resting his head on his hand and hunching over the small coffee table that almost made him look ridiculously large.

"I don't exactly know Nat….I just figured, you would know better than I would ya know?" He let out another sigh. "It's just, he's trying so hard, but it's just not working for him. He answers yes and no questions, and does what I ask him, like help around with chores to keep him busy, write in his diaries to hold on to his memories….. But he's just not opening up to me. And maybe he can't." Steve sat back up now, pushing on the table to set his back firmly in the curved back rest that came up midway to his spine. "Maybe I just have to accept the fact that this is who he is now, but he's my friend, and I lov-…. I care about him Nat….you understand that don't you?"

Natasha rested a hand on one of Steve's balled up fists. Steve quickly became aware he was clenching his fists and relaxed at the touch.

"Of course I know Steve. Have you ever thought maybe you BOTH have to meet each other half way?" Her eyes stared directly into Steve's but they were soft and caring.

Steve was glad he had Natasha by his side in all of this.

"What do you mean?" Steve cocked his head slightly and gave his signature confused look that became oh so familiar to Natasha when Steve didn't understand a current reference or inside joke.

"Well…" She took a long pause as she decided what she was going to say to her friend. "You have to promise this stays between us Rogers." Natasha pointed a finger in his face, her expression turning stern.

Steve gulped and leaned in closer, as if she was about to tell her how to crack the code that would get his best friend back. "I promise."

She folded both hands in front of her and continued speaking calmly, although Steve could swear she had a blush on her face. "When I first got out of my…training…" She began. "When Clint found me… and brought me to this side of the fight. I found it….difficult to blend in you might say." She shifted in her seat, there was definitely a blush forming now. "Taking orders is all I ever knew. And when I had free will again, it was overwhelming. I didn't know what to do with it all." She paused, studying Steve's face carefully before continuing. "Steve, I know you aren't exactly caught up with everything so I'm just going to be blunt about it… Are you at all familiar with dominant and submissive culture?"

Steve blinked. "I uh….I've heard about it. From that new movie that came out and on the internet. But, Bucky and I aren't….we aren't like tha-."

"I know." She interrupted. "But that stupid movie doesn't do justice to what the culture is actually like. It doesn't have to be a sexual relationship, Steve. It's just…. It helped me through a hard time in my life. Clint being my dominant was what got me through everything. And we were never sexual, or even romantic. He just kept me in check and took care of me. Maybe that's what Bucky needs. Someone to take care of him while he can't take care of himself yet." She paused to let Steve's mind catch up. "Listen, Bucky has been taking orders and doing what he's told for many years now. And he's hasn't had to do anything for himself. HYDRA did it for him. They cleaned him, dressed him, and even trained him. It's not easy to switch from that to…. Doing everything yourself. You're already such a caring person Steve, you would make a good Dom."

Steve's head was spinning. He leaned back again to try to regain himself. _I would make a wonderful what?_ He thought to himself.

"So… you and Sam… Is he your Dom now? Er… romantically this time?"

Natasha gave him a wryly smile while she pulled her mug close to her lips and looked at him through her eyelashes. "You really think I still need a Dom Rogers?" She sipped at her drink. "I am a dominant now. Sam loves it. And he's a good boy."

Steve choked, and his eyes became wide at what his friend just revealed to him about his other (close) friend.

"Sam… takes orders?!" He sputtered.

Natasha calmly placed her mug back on the table after finishing her sip. "I don't know why you're so surprised Steve. He is a soldier, he's good at taking orders. And bringing dom/sub lifestyle into a romantic relationship can really spice things up. You know, in case you and Bucky ever do decide to confess your undying love and loyalty to each other." She was teasing him now. The whole group of Avenger's teased Steve and Bucky, but Steve didn't care. He has his best friend back and that was enough for him.

"Yeah right…" Steve shook his head at the mocking jab he just received and then switched to a more serious tone again. "But, I don't know how to be a… 'Dom'." Steve struggled.

Natasha stroked some whipped cream off the side of Steve's face that he wasn't aware was there and met his eyes. "I can help you. I'll teach you all I know. About dominants and submissives. Although something tells me that Bucky is going to take right to this. I really think this will help him Steve, or else I wouldn't have brought it up. You know that right?"

"I know." Steve said shortly and finished his coffee. "Well, I better start doing some research on my own for now, Sam will be waiting for you. I hope you two have a nice date Nat." Steve cut Natasha off while rising from his seat before she could say anything. "And I won't tell anyone. I promise."

Natasha smiled as he left the café. "I'll text you!" She hollered after him.


	2. Chapter 2

_A dom/sub relationship?_ Steve thought as he flipped his laptop open. When he arrived back at the apartment, Bucky wasn't there. But he closed his door behind him and locked it anyway. Steve couldn't help but be slightly embarrassed by this all and couldn't even begin to imagine what Bucky would think if he walked in on him researching this kind of topic.

He didn't even know where to start. He typed "dom/sub culture" into his search engine.

The first thing that came up was _Maste Nak and my submissive slave Tay\ DomSub_. He could already tell by the title this was no good. Must be what Natasha was talking about when she said the movie didn't do justice to the culture.

However, the second site read: _Dominant/Submissive Guide._

He went through the site, there wasn't much to read, but it gave him a general idea. Nat was right, it's not just about sex. This was an entire lifestyle that people adopted. He read about Dominants/masters/mistresses and submissives/slaves. He learned about safe words, which he actually enjoyed the idea of. Maybe saying a color would be easier than expressing feelings for Bucky.

Of course when researching something like this, you can't exactly filter through the sexual parts very easily. He just had to read through it and get a better understanding. The dominant was the caregiver, and gave orders to the submissive. The submissive followed the orders and dedicated most of their time to the dominant.

Steve liked the idea of Bucky spending more time with Steve, although he probably wouldn't admit it out loud to him. He didn't was to smother Bucky.

Steve spent some time going through some more sites and soaking up as much information as he could until he heard the door to his apartment snap shut. It caused him to jerk sense he hadn't even heard it open. Bucky was quiet, even to a super soldier.

Steve snapped his laptop shut and grabbed his phone off the bed. He had two messages waiting for him. He checked the one from Bucky first.

Bucky: On my way back. Do you want anything?

Steve frowned. He wasn't trying to ignore Bucky. The second one was from Black Widow.

Nat: Learning anything helpful?

He sighed and began to tap at his phone.

Steve: I don't know… Bucky will never go along with this.

The phone buzzed nearly right away.

Nat: You don't know that Steve. You haven't even tried.

Steve could hear Bucky putting some things in the fridge. He must've gotten some food. He's been trying new foods lately which is a good sign Steve thinks.

Steve: How would I even bring something like this up?

Nat: Well there's options for that….You could start by giving him a few simple orders. Like chores, if he does good reward him. If he is defiant, punish him.

Steve shook his head as he read the message.

Steve: But I don't WANT to punish him Natasha…

Nat: Have you learned nothing? Not all dominants are sadists. You might not WANT to, but it also might be what's best for him.

Steve: You honestly think what's best for him is to sit on his heels and address me as "sir" while I bark orders at him?

Nat: Again…. It doesn't have to be like that. Every relationship is unique Steven.

Steve: Friendship* watch it.

Nat: See? I told you you're a good dom.

Steve rolled his eyes and shoved his phone in his pocket, making his way to the door. If he was going to do this, he was going to be honest with Bucky. And straight up. He wasn't going to try to sneak it into his life.

Bucky was putting some plums up as Steve entered the kitchen. Steve noticed Bucky was buying foods that were supposed to help with memory and focus, but he didn't bring it up. He thought it might embarrass Bucky. Then he remembered some of what he was reading in his room. Some subs need to be embarrassed from time to time….

"Are those foods helping any?" Steve leaned against the entrance to the kitchen, gesturing at the last plum in Bucky's hand. "For the memories."

Bucky stored the last fruit and looked down at the ground, not saying anything.

 _God damn it Rogers, you can do this. For Bucky._

"James answer me" Steve said in a strong voice. It may not be traditional punishment, but Steve knew Bucky didn't like going by his first name.

Bucky looked up to Steve, confusion on his face. But he complied. "They seem to be helping." He answered shortly. But it was more than Steve got in months.

Steve was surprised, sure. But this was working. He had to continue. He made his way to the island counter in the middle of the kitchen and sat at one of the two bar stools. Bucky watched him intently the whole way.

Steve gestured towards the seat next to him, reminding himself that he had to reward Bucky. He made an effort to make his voice sound caring and alluring. "Sit down Bucky. I need to talk to you about something."

Bucky ruffled up the bag in his hands, throwing it across the room and into the trash and slid up on the stool next to the familiar man. He met his eyes and waited for Steve to start.

Steve was nervous and shaking, and he hoped Bucky didn't notice, because he had no idea what he was doing.

"Buck….I know this hasn't been easy on you." He started, darting his eyes around Bucky's face before setting them back to meet Bucky's. "And I think I know a way I can help. But I need your permission first."

Bucky remained quiet for a moment. When he realized Steve was waiting on him, he spoke up, quietly. "What do you want from me?"

Steve looked at the stone top counter, trying to find the right words somewhere hidden within its pattern.

After a moment, he struggled to begin, looking back up to Bucky, trying to seem cool and confident. Like a dominant would be. "I want to take care of you Bucky." He paused to view Bucky's reaction.

Bucky still locked eyes with Steve, and still looked confused, furrowing his brows tightly. "I already live in your apartment, I eat your food, use your money, you even let me borrow your clothes. What more could you possibly do for me?" His voice was low and controlled, not giving off any sign of emotion.

It made Steve more nervous. "I can do a lot more Buck." He began softly. "What they did to you…" He trailed off and shook his head, trying not to think about Bucky in pain. "It's natural that you're stuck right now. I would be worried if you looked like you could move on easily. They didn't give you much wiggle room did they? You didn't have to think much with them did you?"

Bucky noticed Steve's expression had hardened, like he was angry. "I was a weapon Steve. I can never apologize enough for what I've done."

Steve realized Bucky misread his words and let out a sigh. He considered for a moment, and let his hand reach up to Bucky's shoulder and rest there. Bucky looked at Steve's hand an then back to his face, trying to understand the reason Steve thought it was okay to touch him. He's never tried to touch him before…. Not since before he fell.

Steve continued, ignoring Bucky's expression. "That's not what I'm getting at Bucky. They fed you? Bathed you? Did practically everything you needed right? To maintain their weapon?"

Bucky still wasn't following, but wanted to see where this goes. "Yes. They maintained me."

Steve took another deep breath, trying to find his courage. "I think you need some order in your life Buck. You never go to bed at a decent hour, you have a terrible diet, and you don't say anything. It's not healthy. I'm concerned for you."

Bucky continued to study Steve's face, trying to figure out what he was implying. "And… you think… you could give me order?"

"Orders." Steve corrected.

Bucky looked back at Steve's hand as it fell of his shoulder and onto his own lap. "Orders?" he parroted.

"Yes, it will make things easier for you. I don't know if I can even explain it right." Steve sighed in defeat and pulled out his phone to call Natasha.

It rang twice.

" _Hello?"_

"Nat… I'm talking to Bucky. I know you told me not to tell anyone what you said earlier and I won't. But can Bucky know? I'm having a hard time explaining this….I went with the direct route." Steve looked over at Bucky who was listening in to the conversation next to him.

" _The answer is yes, and before you ask just hand him the phone. I can explain it to him."_

Natasha had a direct, confident way of explaining things. Steve admired that. She probably was an excellent mistress… He handed the phone over to Bucky. "It's Natasha. Please speak with her, she can explain better than I can."

Bucky was pretty comfortable with Natasha and wanted to know what Steve was on about anyway, so he grabbed the phone and place it to his ear. "Yes?..." he said quietly.

" _Bucky Listen to me. I'm going to explain some things to you but first I need to know that you will be able to answer yes and no questions. Can you do that for me?"_

Bucky considered, while taking his eyes off Steve and looking into his lap speaking even softer this time. "…Yes…"

" _Good boy. Steve is going to be taking care of you from now on alright? All you have to do is follow his orders and be good. If he tells you to take a shower, you take a shower. If he tells you to eat the food he made for you, you eat the food. You have to trust him. This is good for both of you. It's called a dominant submissive relationship. You're going to be a submissive and Steve will be your dominant, until you're ready to do things on your own again okay?"_

Bucky looked back to Steve. He looked nervous. He could tell Steve wasn't exactly thrilled about this. It must have been difficult for him to agree to this. Bucky is aware of how much easier it is to do things when Steve tells him to. Steve will ask nicely the first few times, but after a week or so with no food or rest, he will demand that Bucky take better care of himself, and he does without a second thought. That's what he was made to do. Follow orders. If Natasha thinks this could help the both of them, she might be right. And if will make Steve happier, Bucky is willing to try it.

"Yes." Bucky replies dryly.

" _Good boy. You and Steve have to agree to each other's terms. Which means you have to make some terms right now with Steve. Let him know what's okay and what's not. Steve is very new at this, so you have to be patient with him. If you can only answer yes and no questions, let him know. I know he will take good care of you. Promise me you will try."_ It was an order, not a request.

"Yes." Bucky repeated himself.

" _Bravo. Now hand the phone back to your Master."_ Bucky shuddered at the word master. It just didn't fit right. He would have to make sure that Steve didn't make Bucky call him that.

Bucky didn't bother to listen to anymore of the conversation after he handed the phone back to Steve. He got lost in his own mind trying to comprehend what was going on, and why he actually wanted to go through with this. To help him? To help Steve? There was something more than that….Something that stirred an old feeling in him… _excitement…_ Bucky shook the thought from his head as he heard Steve finish with, "Yeah, thanks Nat. We'll come to an agreement now, before he runs away on me" he huffed and hung up the phone. He started to place the phone back in his pocket and looked up when he heard Bucky's voice.

"I won't run away… I'll try it." Bucky was looking down at his lap again, unable to meet Steve now.

Steve relaxed and his shoulders fell as he exhaled. "Well, I guess we should talk about terms. How much do you know about this stuff?"

Bucky spared a glance at Steve from under his eyelashes. "I know that you're supposed to give me orders, and take care of my basic needs for me until I can do it by myself. And I know that I don't want to call you master."

Steve tried to hide a smile at that last part and failed. He noticed splotches of pink beginning to hit Bucky's face as he tried to hide behind his hair.

"Sorry Buck." Steve placed a hand on Bucky's knee. "I'm just glad you don't want to call me master, I don't want that either. Steve is fine with me." He offered a crooked smile to Bucky.

Bucky shifted under Steve's hand. The feeling of 'excitement' rushing over him once more. "What about 'Captain'?" Bucky asked, unsure of himself.

Steve swallowed, and loosened his grip on Bucky's knee. "Is that what you wanna call me Bucky?" He spoke softly.

Bucky nodded, still looking into his lap.

Steve took his hand off of Bucky and rubbed the back of his own neck. "Alright, you can call me Captain or Steve. I don't see anything wrong with that. I was doing some research earlier about all of this… there's some code words that might be helpful for us instead of having to use so many unnecessary words. I know it's not easy for you to express yourself just yet. You're probably still trying to figure out who you are for yourself."

Bucky knew that Steve always had a way of understanding him. A blush sat on his cheeks still as he nodded to let Steve know he was listening.

"Green means you're okay with everything going on at the moment. Yellow means you're near your breaking point and we may need to back up. And red means you're at your breaking point and we need to stop. When I ask you what color, you tell me which one you're feeling okay?"

Bucky slowly lifted his face to view Steve again and nodded one more time, "Okay."

"Good job Buck." Steve smiled, remembering to reward Bucky. "Is there anything else you aren't comfortable with, besides calling me master?"

Bucky thought for a moment before he answered. His answer ran through his mind and made his face fall again but he still looked up at Steve with his frosty eyes. "You can do whatever you want with me."

Steve couldn't help but blush as he swallowed at the response. That isn't what he was expecting. Bucky barely said anything to him at all and now he hit him with this?

"O-oh. Okay well I'll be sure to keep asking what color you're at then…If you think of anything that you don't want me to do: touch you, say something in specific to you, if there's a…punishment that's too rough for you…" Steve struggled with the word 'punishment'. "I want you to tell me, understood?" Steve tried to regain his confidence again after the shake Bucky gave him. He wanted to be strong for Bucky… He really did want to take care of him.

"What about you?" Bucky spoke up finally. His head was raised towards Steve's again. "Is there anything you aren't comfortable with?"

Steve hadn't really thought about that. In fact, he might need some time to consider that.

"Bucky, do you want to go through the sites I looked at on this?" Steve ignored Bucky's question, not sure how to answer quite yet. Maybe informing Bucky was the best step.

"Is that an order?" Bucky asked.

"No, it's not. It's a choice. I'm here to help you but the goal is still to get you to survive on your own. You need to think for yourself when I ask you something." Steve repeated himself, stern this time. "Do you want to go over the research?"

Bucky didn't take much time to consider. "Yes."

Steve grabbed his laptop and went through his history to find the most helpful sites. They went over it for a while. Bucky had a greater understanding of their roles now, and thought he could do this. He thought he might even enjoy it. It didn't take long for Bucky to realize that people usually do this in a romantic or sexual way. "What does 'top' mean?" Bucky spoke up, scrolling through the current page, not looking at Steve.

Steve squirmed in his seat, a little uncomfortable. "Uhm, usually dom's are top. Not always though. A submissive can be top too. It's mostly for…intimate D.S. relationships. A top is the person who… well is on top during sex."

"And the bottom is the one that gets fucked?" Bucky didn't skip a beat after Steve finished his sentence. He looked up at Steve as he spoke, his eyebrows knitted together again.

Steve's eyes widened as he tried to regain himself yet again. "Well, yeah. Mostly. I mean, in Natasha and Sam's case, Natasha is a dominant but Sam is usually top. Natasha tells Sam what she wants him to do to her and he does it. But Natasha is top too sometimes. I don't really know. I try not to think about it. I work with them." Steve laughed a bit, trying to shift the mood.

It must not have worked because Bucky was still giving him the same look. But now his piercing eyes were running side to side on Steve's face as he worked something out in his mind. "Am… I a bottom?"

Steve felt the air leave his lungs as he struggled to breathe for a moment. "I-uh. Oh…uhm." _Keep it together Roger's it's just a question. He needs to know he can be comfortable with you. Be in control._ "I would never do anything like that to you Bucky. You don't have to worry about that. We're just following the non-sexual parts of this relationship."

Bucky frowned, and his face scrunched like it does when he doesn't understand why something is the way it is. "Why?" He asked shortly.

Steve froze for a few moments. "Well… because you're my best friend Bucky. I would never do anything that you don't want to."

"I told you that you could do anything you want to me." Bucky answered coldly.

Was he hurt?

"I… Is uhm… Is that something you need Buck?" Steve knew he couldn't hide what Bucky's words were doing to him. He was a nervous wreck. But he had to try to keep it together for Bucky.

"I don't know." Bucky was talking with more emotion now. Not much, if Steve hadn't lived with him, he wouldn't notice the change. "You're supposed to know what I need Captain."

Bucky's lips were at their natural state. A slight pout. His eyes were sad and all Steve wanted to do was make it better. Bucky trusted him, and he was right. Steve should figure out what Bucky needs. It's his duty as his Captai-er.. dominant.

"Bucky can I touch you?" the words left Steve's mouth before he could stop them. All he wanted to do was hug his best friend and let him know that he would figure everything out for him.

"Yes." Bucky answered in the same tone.

"Come here." Steve opened his arms and Bucky shifted off his tall bar stool to stand in front of Steve and lean into his chest. Bucky felt so nice on Steve. He felt like home. Steve needed to break the distance that was keeping him from Bucky. "All the way." He said softly.

Bucky didn't speak. He simply pushed himself up with his arms using the open parts of the stool and slid into Steve's lap. He wrapped his arms around Steve's neck and burrowed his face into Steve's shoulder.

Steve wrapped his arms tightly around Bucky. Taking in everything. It was the first contact Steve had with him since they're last fight together.

Steve spoke softly in Bucky's ear. "I don't really know Buck. To be honest with you, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. And it's not exactly like I'm experienced in sex at all either. I guess you're right, that might be something that you need. You always were flirt back in the day, and you always made sure to find me a girl too. If that's what you need, I can find you as many girls as you want. Ones that will work well with you for a night. Whatever you need to get through this."

Bucky didn't move. His voice hit the side of Steve's neck and it was mumbled. "Is it because of the hair? I can cut it."

Steve held Bucky tighter, not sure if he was hearing things. "Well, we do need to get you a haircut Buck. But I'm not exactly tracking. Can you tell me what you mean?"

Bucky shook his head and hid his face tighter into Steve's shoulder.

Steve sighed. "Can you try?" He rubbed his thumb in small circles at the back of Bucky's neck, the rest of his fingers tangled in his hair.

Bucky tightened beneath Steve, but spoke after a long minute of silence. "I want it to be you. Not some random braud. I've waited long enough to have the real thing."

Steve's heart promptly began pounding and he hoped that Bucky didn't hear it, but he did. Bucky pushed away from Steve, panic in his eyes. "I'm sorry Stevie… I've always cared about you. But it was the 40's and well, that wasn't normal for fella's to do with each other."

Steve froze in complete shock from Bucky's confession. "Did you just call me Stevie?"

"Er…I mean. Captain…" Bucky corrected.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve shook his head, "What? No. I mean…You called me Stevie. You use to call me that." Steve's head was swarming and he suddenly felt dizzy. He was thankful they were sitting down, but slightly worried about Bucky on his lap making such blunt confessions to him. Steve didn't have much practice in hiding boners.

"I know." Bucky's tone changed back to a colder one. "I remembered that a while ago. I'm sorry Captain."

Steve gave Bucky a ' _what the hell'_ look. "How much do you remember?"

"I write it down…" Bucky spoke as if Steve was missing something.

Steve tried very, very hard not to sound frustrated. "You didn't think to tell me that you were remembering things about us?"

Bucky's expression changed with Steve's tone. This was the most Bucky ever looked or sounded like Bucky in a long time. "I'm sorry. I…It's hard to explain."

Steve sighed and rested his head on a hand while dropping the other off of Bucky and to the side, trying to remember his role. He's supposed to be taking care of Bucky. He can't get upset, he needs to be understanding.

Bucky noticed the shift in Steve's body language and started moving off of Steve's lap to stand a few feet away from him. But Steve's arm swiftly reached back up and pulled Bucky back into him. He didn't lift his head yet. "Don't move." He spoke in a low voice. Bucky obeyed with his hands in his lap.

Steve took a few minutes to regain himself. "Tonight, we're going out with Natasha and Sam. You need to learn to be around other people. I know a nice bar that's not loud. We might be able to learn a thing or two from them. I want you to pay attention to them. Specifically, how they communicate to each other. Nod if you understand." Steve lifted his face from his hand enough to look at Bucky.

Bucky nodded.

"Let's get you dressed." Steve sighed. "First you need to take a shower. How many days has it been since you took one?"

"I'm not sure…" Bucky mumbled. Staying put like Steve ordered. Bucky's mood was ruined, because he ruined Steve's mood. The last thing he wanted was to trap Steve, his oldest and quite frankly, only friend, into the mess that became Bucky's life. Bucky wanted to be good. For Steve. He'd do whatever it takes.

Steve began to stand from the stool, helping Bucky up with him and closing his laptop again. "Spend at least ten minutes in the shower. Wash every part of your body, and get the tangles out of your hair. Can you do that by yourself?"

"I can try..." Bucky took a step back from Steve and towards his room, but Steve began to follow him. Bucky stopped to face him properly again. "What are you going to do?"

Steve ushered him along to his room and they continued walking until they stood at the entrance of Bucky's bathroom. "I'm going to wait out here in your room. I'll pick out some clothes for you and call Natasha to let her know the plan. I promise I won't touch anything else besides your clothes. Do you trust me?"

Bucky's eyes shifted to his bed. It wasn't made, and on the nightstand sat his most recent diary entries in a brown leather bound journal. He worried for a moment and then decided Steve probably did care about him still, if he was going through all this trouble to help him. Bucky met his eyes back to Steve's. "I trust you."

"Good job." Steve complimented and patted Bucky's shoulder roughly. "Now make sure you wash up good. I'll be right here if you need anything."

And with that Bucky turned and closed the door behind him. Steve called Natasha to update her and of course Natasha agreed and notified Sam of the situation. They'd been dating for a few months now. Surely some form of actual relationship would help Bucky understand what Steve expected from him. And Steve could continue to learn from Natasha…and Sam. Steve began skimming through Bucky's clothes, noticing nearly all of them were black. He picked out a pair of boxer briefs and dark jeans before heading to his room to grab a navy blue shirt from his own closet. It was still dark, but it wasn't black.

On his way back from his closet and to Bucky's room he heard an "ack!" coming from the bathroom.

Steve dropped the shirt and ran through the bathroom door nearly knocking the door off its hinges. "Bucky?!" he panicked.

Bucky was in the shower making noises of struggle until he heard Steve's voice and paused. Steve began walking towards the shower, reaching his hand for the curtain. "I-I'm okay!" Bucky called. "I just…this stuff gets everywhere. I can do it!"

Steve peeled back the shower curtain and could feel the grin stretch across his face at the sight it revealed. Bucky's hands tangled in his long, dark hair. Soap from his hair running down his face. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut as the suds continued to try to enter them again.

Steve chuckled and Bucky jumped at the sound, facing Steve with his eyes still closed, now trying to get the soap away from his face.

"Here." Steve said as he grabbed the shower head from its holder and ran it over Bucky's hair. Once he got the suds free from his hair, he wiped the remainders from Bucky's face. Bucky could now open his eyes to look at Steve. He had a slight pout and looked defeated.

"It gets everywhere." He said again.

Steve lent another chuckle and Bucky frowned in response.

"Don't be upset buddy. It will be easier when you get a haircut. I'll schedule one tomorrow morning. They're closed now."

Bucky nodded, still a pout on his face.

Then a sudden realization came over Steve as his eyes slowly fell down Bucky's body. He was beautiful.

His muscles were toned and glistening from the water. His chest smooth and his nipples slightly perked from the temperature of the shower (which Steve made a note to adjust). His Stomach was tight and teasing black hairs led down beneath his belly button. Steve stopped himself before looking and further down, taking in a deep breath. "The water is a bit cold Buck, let me adjust it for you." Steve turned the temperature up and Bucky was still for a moment.

"I haven't had a warm shower in a long time." His gaze was distant, and Steve knew he was having a flashback. He just wasn't sure if it was a good one or bad one.

After a moment Bucky shook his head and looked at Steve.

"… Sorry…Captain?"

Steve blushed slightly at the title. It sounded nice when Bucky said it, not so much like a death sentence.

"Yeah Buck?"

"Do you want me to tell you when I remember things?" Bucky looked unsure, as if he might be crossing some sort of boundary.

Steve softened at the question. "That's up to you Bucky. You just tell me what you're comfortable with and make sure you keep writing your memories down. If you ever need help putting them in order, I'm always here."

Bucky was silent for a moment as the warm water hit his skin, recalling what had just flashed in front of his eyes. "I didn't take showers. They just sprayed me down with a hose… It hurt, but I didn't let it show. If I screamed they would just spray me down longer….."

Steve reached his hand for Bucky's shoulder. "Buck…"

Bucky continued. "There's more..." Steve stopped to listen to Bucky. "All of our heating was broken in our apartment in Brooklyn. Even the water heat. I only got warm showers after I joined the military…. You and I… We used to take short showers together to save water and keep warm. And I would lay on a blanket before we went in the shower to warm it up, so you could wrap yourself in it after we got out."

Steve remembered everything Bucky spoke, all too well. His sickly body shuddering under the cold water. Bucky trying to keep him warm, keep him standing. Bucky anxiously wrapping his body around Steve's to protect him from the cold and hold him up, telling him they were almost done. That they just had to get clean so Steve could get better. Steve's eyes glazed over as he recalled the memory.

"Captain? I'm sorry if I said anything wrong." Bucky looked concerned. And also, kind of like a dripping wet dog.

"Let's get you into some clothes." Steve smiled at Bucky and bent over to turn off the shower. He looked over his shoulder to Bucky to say something and noticed Bucky staring…at him.

Bucky realized he got caught and quickly looked down and forward to hide his face. Steve tightened his jaw and reached over to grab a towel off the rack, but there was no towel.

"Bucky? What happened to the towels I gave you?"

Bucky thought for a moment. "I laid them on the floor. The bed was too soft. Like I was going to fall right through."

Steve understood. In fact he had said something very similar to Sam once. "I can get you a new mattress Bucky. Or you can use mine. It's a firm mattress, it helps. From now on the towels are to dry yourself off okay?" Steve looked back over his shoulder as he exited the room to fetch a new towel. Bucky nodded. He stayed put in the same position, still dripping wet in the bath tub until Steve returned. Bucky's body was already plagued by goosebumps.

Steve rushed over and wrapped the warm towel from the dryer around Bucky. "Let me grab another one for your hair, I don't want you tangling it again. Go to the bed and put your underwear and pants on that I picked out."

Bucky followed the order as Steve left again. He picked up the shirt he dropped on his way out and came back with it in one hand and another towel in the other. "Arms up." He stated and Bucky complied. Steve pulled the shirt over Bucky and wrapped the towel around his head, gently squeezing the water from his hair. "Am I hurting you?" Steve asked as he concentrated on drying Bucky's locks.

"No." Bucky said simply as he stayed as still as he could for Steve to finish.

Steve did finish and then sighed when he removed the towel. "Your hair does get everywhere. I think Natasha left a hair tie here last week. That will just have to do."

Bucky scrunched his face. "You mean like a pony tail? Like a girl?"

Steve looked sternly into Bucky's eyes. "James…we can't have you looking like an ungroomed feral cat when we're in front of company." Steve spoke low and grumbly. "As much as I enjoy the look, I'm going to tame your hair, just for tonight. After we cut it, you can do whatever you like with it."

"Yes sir." Bucky's bottom lip trembled as he spoke. That was the first time Steve's ever admitted to himself that he wanted to kiss those lips. But he shook the thought from his head, desperate to get to Sam who would understand these feelings better than he did at the moment. Surely it's a side effect from their dominant/submissive trial. It will go back into hiding in Steve's mind, probably.

Steve located the hair tie and pulled Bucky's damp hair into a loose ponytail. Loose strands of his hair still fell and framed his face. _Stunning._ The word popped into Steve's mind. And that was all the reminder he needed to realize they were going to be late.

Steve rushed out of the door pulling Bucky along and got into the dirver's seat of his car waiting for Bucky. But Bucky stayed standing outside of the passenger's seat.

Steve, confused, made his way back out of the car and started over to Bucky's side. "Something wrong?"

Bucky looked over to Steve beside him. "I uh… didn't know if I was supposed to follow you in, or take my bike."

Steve rolled his eyes and opened the door for Bucky. "Get in ya goof." Having Bucky speak to him finally made Steve feel like he might actually get his friend back. Even if he wasn't the same person. Bucky slid into the leather seat of the audi and Steve closed the door once he was safely in.

Steve got back into his side and fastened his seat belt before putting the keys in the ignition. He spared a glance to Bucky and had to double take with a sigh. Steve leaned over Bucky and grabbed his seat belt. He noticed Bucky tighten up underneath him as he clipped the belt into place and pressed it over Bucky's chest securely. He paused a moment before shifting back into his own side, looking face to face with Bucky. "You know you don't have to be scared of me right? I would never hurt you."

Bucky shifted his eyes across Steve's features and swallowed. "I know."

Steve ignored the reaction for the time being and started making their way to meet their friends. Well his friends. Bucky was sure Sam didn't like him and Natasha just felt sorry for him. Although he was starting to form a connections with her, and would choose her over most other Avengers.

They arrived at a small building in between two others. It was the only lit building present. There was a warm tone coming from the smoky glass. You couldn't see anything inside, only the golden glow from within.

Bucky struggled with his seat belt before Steve pressed the button down for him and it released him. Bucky sighed with relief. It was beginning to feel claustrophobic, reminded him too much of being strapped down to an examination table, or being locked in a human Popsicle maker.

Steve exited the car and Bucky took a moment to prepare himself for whatever was in store for the night. This is the first time he's gone out with….people…since…well for a long time. He knew people didn't dance like they used to and jazz music wouldn't be playing. And he wasn't sure how he was going to handle everything. He heard a click beside him and a gust of wind hit his face as Steve opened his door and reached out a hand to him. "Ready?" Steve prompted.

Bucky sighed once more and took Steve's hand, pulling himself out of the car.


	4. Chapter 4

The entered the building and Natasha and Sam were seated on stools at the bar. Natasha had a drink in her hand. It looked like Spiced black rum at the bottom of the cup with a cherry flavored liquid sitting on top of the darkened alcohol. She smiled as the boys approached. "It's called a black widow." She winked. "After the super hero girl." She spoke as if she was quoting someone.

Sam raised himself from the bar to high five Steve and pull him into a hug. "Hey man! Long time no see. You getting tired of me yet?"

Steve smiled light heartedly. "That won't happen soldier. I don't get tired remember?" reminding him of their morning runs.

Steve pulled out a chair for himself but became aware of Natasha's eyes on him and offered the seat to Bucky.

Bucky climbed in cautiously and Natasha gave Steve and approving nod.

"Two more over here bar tender!" Sam called across the bar.

"You know I can't get drunk right?" Steve reminded his friend.

"Not unless its Asgardian liquor." Sam shot back raising his glass at Steve in remembrance of a good time they must have shared, or at least Steve did. "Besides, I did not get dragged out here to drink alone."

Natasha turned toward Sam and looked him up and down stopping at his eyes.

"As the only male." Sam quickly corrected.

Natasha smiled and turned back to face Bucky, leaning in toward him and placing a hand on his metal one. He could feel the light pressure of her dainty fingers falling onto the plates of metal. "So, how is it going?"

Bucky looked down at their hands and then at Steve with a questioning look.

"Be honest with her Bucky." Steve nodded toward Natasha, trying to encourage him.

Bucky turned back to face Natasha. "It's confusing."

Natasha blurted out a laugh, leaning into it a bit before regaining herself. She must've had more than one drink knowing she'd have three strong men looking out for her. "Okay." She started, the smile still on her lips. "What is confusing you Barnes?" she spoked softer that time.

Bucky struggled for a moment recalling the problems he and Steve ran into. "I want to have sex with Steve and Steve wants me to talk to him about things." He answered honestly.

Sam's drink splattered out of his mouth and onto the counter. Steve hid his face in his hands. Bucky returned his attention to Steve. "I thought you wanted me to-."

"I do." Steve stopped him, trying to rub the redness from his face. "We just weren't expecting…. That. Its fine Bucky, you're doing great."

Natasha remained calm, as if she already predicted what she just heard. Sam and Steve were in slight amazement that Natasha always knew everything.

Natasha patted Bucky's arm as Steve and Bucky's drinks arrived in front of them. She nodded at Bucky's. "Gonna drink that?"

Bucky took the glass with his other hand and took a sip. It was strong and he got the feeling Natasha was going to try to get him drunk and force some answers out of him. A strong tactic. Bucky would probably let it happen. Although he didn't find it fair that Steve wouldn't be drunk with him anymore…stumbling into his arms as they walked back to their apartment. Bucky shook the memory from his head and set the drink back on the counter.

"Sorry." Sam added from behind Nat. "I like em strong."

Natasha jerked after Sam pinched her butt. Her reflexes slower than normal. She glared back at him with a raised eyebrow and turned back to Bucky again but looked at Steve. "Can't you two go play an arcade game while I talk with Bucky Steve?"

Steve began to raise from his seat rolling his eyes with Sam. He paused before he walked away and set his mouth next to Bucky's ear. "Just tell her what you're thinking and feeling. Only what you're comfortable with. If you need me, text me. I'll be right over there." Steve gestured torward a row of arcade games lined up against the back wall. His voice was low and warm in Bucky's ear. Bucky nodded and Steve didn't notice his blush as he walked away but Natasha did. She began to raise her glass to her mouth again, side eyeing Bucky. "So? How long?" She took a small sip, licking the excess liquid from her top lip.

"How long what?" Bucky asked her, picking up his own drink again, suddenly less comfortable with Steve gone.

"Don't play dumb with me. How long have you been in love with Captain America over there?" She nodded her head over to the two men hovering over some pin ball machines.

"Before he was Captain America." Bucky admitted in defeat, looking Steve over before looking back to Natasha.

"You think he feels the same way?" She asked curiously, her hand still on Bucky's.

Bucky hung his head and shook it. "No…I mean. He would do anything I wanted him to. But Steve doesn't see me like I see him. And like you said, he's Captain America now. He doesn't want anything to do with me." Bucky added some more before Natasha could speak again. "That's his dom name. Captain. To remind myself where I stand in his eyes. I'm Sergeant Barnes, childhood friend of Steve Rogers. Nothing more." Bucky was almost surprised at himself by how much he was giving away to her. He knew it had been a while since he had a drink but it couldn't be affecting him yet.

"Well that's a flat out lie." Natasha declaired.

Bucky jumped a little, a bit taken back and looked in Natasha's eyes for an explanation before she continued. "Have you seen the way he looks at you? The sacrifices he's made for you? He's told me stories Bucky. A lot of them because believe it or not, you're all he talks about. And I have a different, not to mention more clever theory than yours." She took her hand off of his to take another drink.

Bucky mirrored her, but finished his drink. He set the glass down and waved a finger at the bar tender, hoping that was still something people did to say they wanted more booze. "And what might that be?" Bucky asked, his mouth pulling into a wryly smile. A smile? He couldn't remember the last time he smiled. She's good.

"Steve fell in love with you around the same time you fell in love with him. But because you're such an IDIOT…. He figure he had to burry those emotions for you deep down. For your own good. So that you could be happy with whatever Jan or Jude you decided to dance with that night."

Bucky frowned and lowered his eyes considering Natasha's words.

"Steve tells me everything." He countered.

"Oh yeah?" Natasha challenged. "Steve saves the hurtful things from you. Things that would make you worry about him. Did you know he jumped on a grenade while you were still 'alive'." She air quoted, the liquor flowing steadily through her now. "Did you know he jumped from a plane without a parachute? Or force Howard to fly him into enemy lines to rescue YOU!"

Bucky's eyebrows furrowed. Was all this true? How else could he have gotten to Bucky that day? He remembers Steve saving him, and how he thought it wasn't real. How he figured this giant man with Steve's face was some sort of angel, lifting him up to send him to heaven.

"What should I do?" Bucky looked over to the arcade games again. Steve was watching Sam finish a game, but his eyes kept darting to Natasha and Bucky.

"Do what he says." Natasha shrugged. "I mean, is it really that different from the old Bucky? This will be easiest for you, as time moves along you'll learn to express your feelings and opinions to him and Steve will be okay with it because he will feel in control of the situation. I didn't offer this type of solution just for you, you know."

Bucky spared a glance at Sam and turned his head to meet Natasha again. He was leaning on the counter now, feeling the warmth of the drink, which reminded him to take another. "Does it work for you and Sam?"

Natasha eyed down at Bucky as she sat up straight and a smirk hit her lips, like she'd just tasted honey for the first time. "Yes, it does. Sam enjoys having someone take care of him: make him meals, do his laundry, boost his mood. And when he's bad I remind him who he belongs to and what his purpose is." She turned to meet Bucky better. "His purpose, to live for me of course. To be mine. And I enjoy having his love. He's sweet and does everything he can to make me happy. Just like you would do for Steve." She finished her drink, and waved for the bar tender without actually looking at him. "Look Bucky, Sam and I started out a lot like you and Steve are now. I had some experience, but nothing romantically. And Sam had to figure everything out for the first time. But in the end, it helped our relationship grow into something bigger. It's almost easier that we have roles to play. We're just like any other couple, just with a few life hacks up our sleeve. This method helped me out when I was in your shoes, and is helping me out now with love. I'm really confident it will help you guys too. You'll realize you can open up to each other because you belong to Steve and Steve has you for anything he needs or wants. Just try it out."

Bucky's thoughts were interrupted before they started. Sam approached followed by Steve. "Man, those games are rigged!" He leaned down to kiss Natasha on the cheek, giving her a toothy smile.

Steve halted for a moment before taking his place beside Bucky, and setting his empty glass down on the counter. Bucky made eye contact with the bar tender and nodded at him. He returned swiftly with another drink for Steve.

"Geez, this new guy behind the counter really lays out the drinks fast huh? Bet he makes good tips." Steve sighed as he tasted some of his drink, that wasn't doing anything for him.

"Sorry…I forgot you can't get drunk. He looked at me when you set the drink down and I nodded." Bucky admitted.

Steve looked at Bucky and then at Natasha. It was moments like this that Steve wasn't sure how to handle their new situation. Natasha saw his plea and patted Bucky on the arm. "It's okay. You're still learning. Next time just ask Steve, he will tell you if you can get anything for him."

Bucky forced a half smile in her direction and took another big gulp of his drink, finishing the second one. He turned his chair around to face Steve and looked up at him. "I can drink yours if you don't like it Stevie. Err…Captain." Bucky blushed aware of the other two present near them. "You can drink something more enjoyable if you want."

Steve smiled and took the seat next to Bucky again. "Thanks Buck. That's probably a good idea." Steve waved down the bar tender to ask for a soda. The group talked together cheerfully. Sam opened up about him and Natasha's relationship some more, excited to tell Steve all about it. They all had more than a few drinks and after a while Bucky steadied himself as he raised from his seat. "I'm gonna go to bathroom. I'll be right back." His words were slightly slurred and Steve watched over him as he made his way to the men's bathroom. When he was out of sight, Steve brought his attention back to Sam and Natasha. "So…" He rubbed his neck trying to find the right words. But they were both drunk anyway so Steve figured whatever fell from his mouth had to do. "What am I supposed to do about the sex thing? I offered to find him a girl when he needs it."

Natasha slammed her drink on the counter. "Steven, you idiot."

Steve jumped at the sudden bang and gave Sam a surprised look.

Sam laughed and spoke up, putting a hand on Natasha's shoulder and rubbed it gently.

"He wouldn't have brought it up if he didn't want it to be you, man. You're his dominant, you have to cater to his needs, whatever they are."

Steve let out a heavy sigh and felt his face drop like a sad puppy. "But I…. I don't know what to do. I'm not exactly experienced. It's not going to be satisfying for him at all." He couldn't fully believe he was talking about having sex with Bucky. It didn't seem wrong…but it didn't seem real either.

Natasha grabbed Steve's face, smooshing his cheeks together and forcing eye contact. "Bucky is crazy about you, you idiot. He's begging for any sort of contact. Try, oh say I don't know, working up to it? He's going to enjoy whatever you choose to give him. He breathes for you Rogers."

Sam chuckled and lightly pulled on Natasha's hand, freeing Steve's face. "Sorry, her personality amplifies when she gets some drinks in her." Natasha smiled up at her sub and patted his stomach. "You're such a good boy to me."

Sam beamed. And Steve took note of it. He wanted Bucky to feel that accomplished by little things. He'd do whatever he needed to he just….wasn't sure how he was gonna pull it off.

Bucky returned, placing a hand on Steve's arm to steady himself back into his chair. He picked up the last of his drink and slugged it down. Natasha raised her glass at him and followed his lead, finishing her drink in one fluid gulp. Bucky smiled, swaying a bit as he rested his upper body weight on his elbows resting on the counter top. "You know, I haven't been this drunk since I told you I would follow you back into battle." He flung his head up to Steve lifting a finger to point at him.

Steve smiled and stroked his hair. Bucky was being talkative and that was new.

"And then you left me alone at the bar, to go _fondue_ with Peggy." He spat out the name, looking forward across the counter into nothing.

Steve frowned. "That's not fair, what about all the girls you danced with?" Steve knew he was the only sober one here and that he should be handling the situation with more maturity, but it WASN'T fair. Steve had to watch as Bucky leave with girls countless times. And Steve TALKS to one and gets crap for it?

Bucky continued to stare forward, circling his glass around.

Natasha nudged Steve causing him to look over at her. She leaned in and spoke quietly enough for only him to hear her. "You're in control. Don't let him forget that. This is cause for punishment." She hinted to him.

Steve whispered back, "Punish how? He's not gonna care if I call him James when he's drunk."

Natasha giggled harder than she normally would have. "That's your punishment?!" She said a little too loud. But Bucky only spared a glance before returning to his thoughts. "Bring him home and give him your worst. Leave a bite mark on him to show him he belongs to you. Make him strip for you for crying out loud." Steve's eyes widened as he remembered the view from the shower. _Oh…that's what punishment means_ he noted.

Sam rubbed his hand on Natasha's back to get her attention. "You ready to go baby? The cab is here."

Natasha looked outside to see the squiggle of headlights through the glass. "As I'll ever be." She said getting up from the table. She hugged Steve first as Bucky raised off of his seat to meet her. Bucky gave her a smile as a goodbye but Natasha grabbed him by the arms and pulled him into her, squeezing him tightly. "You're gonna get through this." She slurred in his ear, and then turned and grabbed Sam's hand as they made their way to their cab. Bucky watched them leave.

Steve placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "I'm gonna take a leak and then we should probably head back too."

Bucky nodded and found the stability of his seat again. Boy, was he dizzy.

Steve made his way off to the bathroom and Bucky closed his eyes for about three seconds before he heard a squeaky voice appear next to him.

"Hey!" It was a blond girl with curly hair and a bright smile.

Bucky appreciated a good thing when he saw it. He leaned onto his arm, facing her better. "Hey." He slurred, looking her up and down.

Steve said he wasn't interested in Bucky so he might as well go back to sweeping dames off of their feet.

Bucky talked lowly and playfully as the girl giggled and placed a hand on his shoulder. When Steve emerged from the bathroom that is not what he was expecting to see. Didn't Bucky just vocalize how upset he was about Steve talking to Peggy? The nerve this kid had sometimes. Steve found himself marching swiftly and heavily over to Bucky's location.

Bucky saw him approach and turned to meet him. "Hey Steve you go ahead buddy, I'm gonna stay here for a while." Bucky gave him and old smile that Steve hardly recognized, but Steve didn't take the time to remember it completely.

He grabbed Bucky by the arm and pulled him off of his seat.

"Hey Steve! What do you thi-." Bucky was stopped mid-sentence by Steve's mouth crashing into his own. Bucky's eyes widened and he adjusted his mouth to properly allow Steve to kiss him. It was chaste and he could tell Steve didn't do a lot of kissing but it made Bucky melt and he suddenly found it hard to stand. He was saved only by the firm, slightly painful grip Steve had on his arm.

Steve parted his lips from Bucky's and growled. "Get to the car."

Bucky begged for any forgiveness as he looked back into Steve's eyes and nodded. Captain was definitely different from Steve from Brooklyn. But Bucky felt the familiar feeling of excitement rushing through his body again and hover at his groin.

He obeyed and followed Steve to the doors, he looked back once at the girl he left behind who was gaping as she watched the men leave the bar. She was just as shocked as Bucky was.

Steve opened Bucky's door and Bucky climbed in, swaying a bit as he did. Steve closed the door loudly and Bucky stammered with his seat belt again. He couldn't seem to fit the metal part in the hole.

Steve got into the driver's seat shortly after and didn't waste any time swatting Bucky's hands away and correctly fastened the seat belt.

He got his own seatbelt in place and started the car, taking off without a word.

Bucky stared at Steve's face in the dark car, trying to find any hint of forgiveness. But Steve's face was set, his mouth in a hard line and he looked straight forward into the traffic.

Bucky spoke up, feeling confident from the drinks he had. "I thought you told me that you didn't want me." He complained, knitting his eyebrows together as he tried to form the sentence.

Steve didn't look at him.

"Look Stevie, You can't get me drunk, send me on a nostalgia trip, and then expect me not to want some comfort." Bucky kept trying to reason with Steve.

"Don't talk." Steve answered low and cold.

Bucky pressed his head against the head rest and pressed his lips together. His whole world was still spinning. He shut his eyes tightly to try to get it to stop.

Steve pulled into the apartment driveway and swiftly got out of the car. Bucky rolled his head and groaned, pulling at his seat belt. A few short moments after, Steve opened Bucky's door and undid the seat belt for him, standing up straight to allow Bucky out of the vehicle. Bucky blinked hard trying to find his balance as he pulled himself out of the car. He stumbled and Steve caught him in his arm. Bucky leaned into Steve and looked up into his eyes. "It's better than you finding a girl for me. What? So I can fuck someone you find more attractive than me?" Bucky pushed himself off of Steve stumbling back a bit and making his way to the front door.

He didn't bring his keys…the door was locked. He banged his head against the door and listened to Steve's footsteps approaching.

Bucky didn't move as Steve unlocked the door and opened it up. Bucky stumbled inside after his weight fell through the door and tugged the hair tie out of his hair, throwing it on the ground in a temper tantrum. He walked straight to his room and flopped onto the bed that was way too soft. He listened to Steve hang his coat up and calmly pace into Bucky's room. He felt the pressure as Steve's weight shifted the bed.

"Do you still want to be my submissive?"

Bucky's face was pressed into a pillow on his messy bed. He nodded into it.

"Then you know what I have to do."

Bucky lifted his face and tried to look at Steve's face through his hair. "You'll try it?"

"No." Steve answered coldly. "That's what you want, and you don't deserve it for the way you acted tonight."

Bucky pouted and felt a tinge of pain threaten in his eyes. "Then what do you want me to do Captain?"

Steve thought carefully before answering. "I want you to go to my room, and lay in my bed."

Bucky looked up at Steve confused, but Steve was serious enough and wasn't going to give out anything else until Bucky complied.

Bucky pushed himself off of his bed and wobbled for a moment. He regained his balance and made his way to Steve's room, which was neat and decorated. The opposite of Bucky's. He pulled back the pressed sheet and crawled into the bed, tucking his feet into the soft covers. It was a firm mattress. Bucky could relax in it, and he did until Steve turned on the light, making Bucky shut his eyes harder before blinking them open at Steve.

Steve sighed walking further into the room. He began undoing the buttons of his shirt, and let the fabric fall to the floor. Bucky looked at Steve's new form in awe, still not used to the transformation Steve underwent. He was bulky, and strong, and masculine. Even his jaw was manlier now, more cut and squared off. Bucky stared at every wonder Steve's body had to offer as Steve's hand slid to his pants and began to undo the button. "Bucky." Steve barked. But Bucky couldn't keep his eyes off of Steve's body. "I want you to strip down to your underwear." Bucky met his eyes now, studying his face. Bucky's lips were parted and wet and his eyes were wide, his cheeks a shade of pink and not just from the alcohol.

Bucky caught up to Steve's words and finally jolted and began to peel Steve's navy blue shirt off of himself.

When Bucky managed to get his pants off, he eagerly scanned the room for Steve again. Steve was completely naked now and crawling into the bed next to Bucky. "Fuck…." Bucky's mouth spoke for itself.

"Language." Steve countered, glaring at Bucky.

Bucky swallowed and frowned…he was still mad. "Steve… that girl, she didn't mean anything. I just wanted to touch you and I knew that I couldn't so I figured instead of bothering you I wo-." Steve stopped Bucky's rambling with a new order. "Kneel, sitting up straight. And face me." His words were carefully chosen and his tone was flat.

Bucky followed his Captain's orders as Steve made himself comfortable lying over the covers and sliding his hand down his abdomen. "You're going to sit pretty right there, and watch me." Bucky's eyes widened and followed Steve's hand down to his cock. The super soldier serum really did make everything bigger on him. Steve placed his other hand behind his head, to cradle it comfortably. The position showed off his impressive arms. With his other hand he slowly began to stroke himself, His eyes were studying Bucky's body. Bucky took in the sight, all of it. Steve's stern focused face, his flexed arm, his growing erection. And his eyes, studying Bucky's body top to bottom. Steve looked so confident with himself and why shouldn't he? He was absolutely breathtaking. But Bucky was…well not Captain America, that's for sure. Bucky felt the heat in his groin rise to his face as a blush deepened onto his cheeks. He looked down in an attempt to hide his face, knowing Steve has surely already seen the excitement poking through Bucky's boxer briefs.

"Look at me." Steve ordered, his voice slightly softer as he relaxed into his hands rhythm.

Bucky hesitated but raised his face for Steve to see, looking for a reaction from under his lashes.

Steve studied Bucky once again, picking up his pace and pulling his eyebrows together at the sensation. "You're so beautiful Bucky."

Bucky met Steve's eyes with surprise. Did Steve just call him beautiful? Did he enjoy it?

Bucky bit his lip as he watched Steve. His hand reached out towards Steve's chest. Steve swatted it and continued stroking himself. "You don't get to touch Bucky. Me, or yourself. You have to watch. That is your punishment."

Steve's words hit Bucky and his face fell in anguish. Steve couldn't do this to him. He didn't understand how long Bucky waited… He felt tears build up in his eyes and he darted his face down again in a single nod, hiding his pain. "Yes, Captain."

"I told you to look at me Bucky."

"I will just…" Bucky noticed his voice was beginning to sounds strained. He needed to take a moment to fight the tears away. Steve could not see him like this. It would ruin the mood for him.

"Bucky, I said look at me!" Steve stated more aggressively.

Bucky scrunched his face, angry at himself for what he was about to do to Steve and then calmed his expression and raised his face, tears rolling down his cheeks, falling from his strained blue eyes.

Steve sat up immediately and put an arm onto Bucky's flesh arm. "Buck! Don't cry! What's wrong?!"

Bucky shook his head and tried to wipe the tears from his face, but they appeared faster than he could shoo them away.

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and pulled him into his lap. Bucky was tense and embarrassed, and angry at himself. Why did he have to ruin everything in Steve's life?

"Bucky." Steve spoke softly rubbing tears off of Bucky's face as they fell and pulled his chin up to make eye contact with him. "Oh Buck….I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you this upset. I was going to let you join in after a little while. It was a stupid idea. I'm sorry. I'm not good at this."

Bucky's eyes were still leaking steadily. "She didn't mean anything to me Steve." He repeated himself from earlier, now with a strained voice. He felt so stupid.

Steve held Bucky closer. "I know Buck, I'm sorry. I've always hated seeing you with girls like that. I just got jealous and started acting dumb. I'm sorry baby." Steve surprised himself when the 'baby' slipped from his mouth, but didn't bother to correct himself.

"Do I still have to see my face?" Bucky's cheeks were hot.

"Not if you don't want me to." Steve whispered.

Bucky buried his face between Steve's massive shoulder and his neck, trying to sniffle back the tears. He was being ridiculous. How can Steve ever be turned on by him now? He finally got a chance and he was bad…

Steve laid a kiss on Bucky's head and rubbed his palm between Bucky's shoulder blades. "Hey Buck, I'm sorry. You know I would never try to hurt you like this on purpose. I must be the worst dom in history…"

Bucky shook his head and pushed himself further into Steve, allowing his childhood friend, the man who rescued him countless time, to comfort him with soothing motions. "It's my fault. I'm a stupid lightweight that can't hold his drinks."

Steve frowned and rested his chin on Bucky's head. "You're not stupid Buck. You're one of the cleverest guys I know. I pushed you too far. I should've asked your color before I continued with it."

Bucky was starting to calm down now and built up the courage to raise his head up to meet Steve's face. "I'm sorry I'm so different now." Bucky managed, wiping the last tears from his face.

Steve pushed Bucky's hair from his face and rubbed his thumb against Bucky's cheek. "That's nothing to be sorry about. We're both different people now. The important part is that we're together."

Bucky sniffed and huffed a dry laugh. "This is NOT sexy on my part."

Steve smiled down at Bucky who had a red nose, red cheeks, and watery eyes. "Not on mine either apparently."

"You're as sexy as ever Roger's. Saving the day again. After I fucked it up again." Bucky shook his head letting it fall until his eyes were looking at the black boxer briefs he was currently still wearing.

"You didn't mess anything up Bucky… How about we do something else?"

Bucky gave Steve a disappointing frown, this was the closest he's ever been to Steve. But he should've expected he would be turned off by the way Bucky looked now. Pathetic. "Like what?" He asked, trying to manage his manliest face, but ended up looking more like the punk kid Steve knew from Brooklyn.

Steve tried to hide his smile, as Bucky's adorable features tempted his mouth to curl up. "How about we start over, but this time I touch you instead…" Steve let out the sentence low and made sure it came out as an offer and not an order.

Bucky looked up into Steve's eyes and blinked. His eyelashes stuck together for a moment from the dampness. He looked like an astonished kid meeting Santa at the mall for the first time. He was curled up into Steve's lap slightly hunched. His side leaned into Steve for support and his eyes were wide and round as the words absorbed into him. It was the cutest thing Steve has ever seen. And it took everything in him not to kiss Bucky with every stroke of passion he ever felt for the man.

"But I….I cried." Bucky sounded just as astonished as he looked, gazing right into Steve's eyes.

Steve couldn't help but let out a chuckle. "I've cried in front of you before Bucky. It's my turn to be here for you now."

Bucky tried to comprehend how Steve could possibly want to TOUCH Bucky after he just sobbed over not being able to put his hand on Steve's chest.

"But, I'm a mess. I look awful. More awful than usual." Bucky spread his arm out gesturing at himself.

Steve couldn't help himself this time, he leaned in and pressed his lips against Bucky's. They were soft and sweet and Steve didn't want it to end. "You could never look awful Bucky, even when you are a mess."

Bucky shuffled his eyes over Steve's face and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Don't do that." Steve warned, the warmth leaving his voice.

Bucky release his bottom lip. "Why?"

"Because I'll get jealous again." He leaned in again to kiss Bucky and this time, sucked Bucky's bottom lip into his mouth and nibbled on the flesh. Bucky's eyes squeezed shut and he let out a low moan that rumbled through Steve's ears. Steve released Bucky's lip, admiring the now wet, swollen complexion he left. No one besides Bucky could ever make him feel these things. And he finally had him, all to himself…probably.

Steve figured it was a good a time as any. "Bucky?"

Bucky fluttered his eyes open at the question. "Yeah?"

Steve paused for a moment, feeling a blush hit his face. "Am I…..going to be enough for you?"

Bucky pushed himself back slightly to gauge Steve's body language better. He noticed the pink in his face and the worry setting in his eyes the longer the pause held. "What do you mean baby?"

Steve blushed again at the new name Bucky used for him and lost his train of thought.

"I mean…Captain. Sorry." Bucky corrected.

"I like when you call me baby." Steve mumbled.

Bucky smirked, and it reminded Steve of how Bucky use to smirk at him. "Okay then…baby, what did you mean?" Bucky repeated.

Steve pulled his eyebrows together unable to fully meet Bucky's gaze, but kept his head up and his jaw firm. "You use to go home with girls all the time…I'm only one person and I'm not even the right gender at that…Aren't you going to get bored of me?" Steve asked, trying to ignore the crack in his voice.

Bucky slid his hands up Steve's neck and rested them at the sides of his face, forcing eye contact between them. "I only needed all those girls because I couldn't have you Steve. I've been drooling over you for nearly a century now. I don't think that's going to stop anytime soon."

Steve closed his eyes shut and nuzzled his face into Bucky's hand. Bucky leaned up and pressed three sweet kissed on Steve's lips. "Are you still going to touch me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Steve bit his lip as he opened his eyes to meet Bucky's. They were brighter now, and happy instead of sad. It had been forever since Steve saw Bucky's eye light up like that.

A low growl came from Steve throat and his picked Bucky up by the waist and pushed him onto his back. Bucky blinked and Steve was hovering over him. He became quickly aware that Steve was still completely naked and his bit his lip to try to hide any hint of nervousness that was trying to invade his facial structures.

Steve kissed Bucky's neck softly and whispered into his skin. "I told you not to do that." Steve bit at the flesh beneath his mouth.

Bucky let out a yelp and arched his back in response, causing his body to collide with Steve's hard body. "S-Sorry." Bucky stuttered. "Just nervous…"

Steve smiled and sucked Bucky's ear lobe, releasing it with a smack. "Me too…" He whispered into Bucky's ear. It sent chills throughout Bucky's body.

Steve paused for a moment. "Color?"

"Green." Bucky practically begged pushing his hips up and colliding into Steve again.

Steve grabbed one side of Bucky's hips and forced it to stay in place. "Slow down, I'm new at this. I have a lot to explore."

Bucky wriggled impatiently under Steve, trying his best to not move his hips.

Steve worked his way down Bucky's neck and across his collar bone, with wet sloppy kisses. Bucky parted his mouth, just barely stopping a moan from exiting. He placed a knuckle of his human fist into his parted mouth and bit down on it to stop his voice from leaving his mouth. Steve kissed the middle of Bucky's chest when he saw his brunet partner holding out on his sweet moans. Steve frowned. "Bucky…I want to hear you." He complained in a deep growl.

Bucky removed the hand from his mouth. "S-Sorry… Can I touch you? Please?" Bucky didn't intend to beg when he started the sentence, but it ended up that way none the less.

"Yes." Steve breathed across Bucky's chest until he found Bucky's nipple.

Bucky gasped and immediately tangled his fingers in Steve's hair, pushing as hard as he could against Steve's grip on his hip, but to no avail. Steve was teasing him. He knew what he was doing, that jerk. A loud moan left Bucky's mouth as Steve encircled his nipple and flicked his tongue against it.

"S-Steve! You're teasing me on p-purpose." Bucky groaned, trying to form words.

"This is a better punishment." Steve smiled as he kissed down to Bucky's belly button and took a small bite there.

Bucky squeezed Steve's shoulder as he already started to pant. Steve's mouth found the lining of Bucky's underwear and he began to tug at them with his teeth. "Mmm… Steve please."

Steve had to use both hands to control Bucky's hips now, as he desperately tried to grind into Steve.

Steve licked across Bucky's lower abdomen, just above the seam he was tugging at only moments ago. Bucky's other hand balled in a fist, tugging at Steve's hair.

Steve let out a low chuckle and slowly pulled off Bucky's boxer briefs revealing his beautiful, pink cock.

Steve couldn't help but stare, taking in Bucky's body. It's been so long since he's seen Bucky naked. And to see him like this….face flushed…begging for Steve to please him, it was almost too much.

Bucky squirmed and brought his hand up to his face again to hide himself biting his lip. Steve was staring at him and he was naked. Bucky felt like Steve would realize he could do better at any moment and the anticipation was eating at him.

Steve noticed Bucky's change and slid a hand up and down Bucky's side. "Gee I'm sorry Bucky. I just didn't expect you to be so…" There wasn't a word that existed that did justice to what Steve had pinned underneath him.

Bucky flushed deeper, feeling really vulnerable now. "Sorry. Do you want me to get dressed again?"

Steve's head snapped his head up and looked into Bucky's eyes, liked he'd just been shot. "No!"

Bucky jumped a little at his raised voice.

"I mean… no. I've just. Never seen anything so beautiful before." Steve's sentence became quiet at the end as his eyes traced back down Bucky's body. "You're perfect Buck."

Bucky tensed underneath Steve and attempted to pull Steve's body back down to his. Steve lowered his body, but let his mouth lead back down to where it left off. Bucky's dick was swollen and little beads of precum were already sliding from the tip. Steve wetted his lips at the sight and stroked a hand up Bucky's cock. Bucky yelped a moan and Steve licked the drops of precum from the top of Bucky's dick as his hand began to slide back down. Bucky pushed himself back into Steve's mattress as his Captain explored the territory with his tongue. Steve was curious and interested, but his mouth was soft and traced over all the parts slowly and thoroughly. Bucky had never been with anyone that was so interested in his body. Steve's hands glided over Bucky's torso and thighs as his mouth did wonders to Bucky's most sensitive area.

Bucky arched his back and exhaled "Steve….that feels so good."

Steve pushed Bucky's cock down his throat, choking a bit at the new sensation. Bucky felt Steve's throat close around the head of his dick and choked out a moan, his eyes opening wide.

"Stevie…. If you keep going like this…..I won't last long." Bucky panted, slightly embarrassed that his stamina was gone.

Steve sucked slowly up Bucky's cock and released it from his mouth, replacing his lips with a soothing thumb rubbing circles at the back of its head. Steve still stared, admiring the full length of Bucky as he spoke. "What do you want me to do Buck?"

Bucky pulled the pillow his head was resting on over his face and hoped Steve would just figure it out. Steve made his way back up to Bucky's face, pressing his body again Bucky's. Bucky could feel Steve's hardened member pressing against his own, pulsing in excitement.

Steve tugged the pillow loose from Bucky's grip and revealed his stained face and swollen lip with the indents of teeth marks on it. Steve lowered himself onto Bucky, resting on his elbow and using his other hand to stroke the hair from Bucky's face. "What do you need honey?" He asked softly, expecting an answer.

But Bucky couldn't say… THAT! This was Steve Rogers he was laying with. His best friend. They use to have pretend battles on the schoolyard and Steve use to look up at Bucky with that amazed smile, like Bucky was the greatest fella in the world.

Bucky just shook his head quickly and avoided Steve's eyes.

Steve grabbed Bucky by the chin. "I've asked twice now James. Don't make me repeat myself again." Steve warned calmly, examining Bucky's begging eyes.

"I need you..." Bucky nearly squeaked the sentence, reluctantly looking into Steve's eyes.

"You need me to what Bucky? You gotta say it for me." Steve cooed, releasing his grip from Bucky's face and rubbing the wetness off of Bucky's lip with his thumb.

"I need you inside of me." Bucky shut his eyes closed tightly, not able to bear Steve's expression after a declaration like that.

Steve left a small kiss on Bucky's nose and another on his mouth as he adjusted into position. Bucky was trembling now with anticipation. He felt Steve's index finger trace his mouth. "Open up baby." Steve spoke softly.

Bucky drew his mouth open and Steve slid a finger into it. "Suck. You have to get it wet."

Bucky relaxed a bit and circled his tongue around Steve's finger. He sucked at a steady pace and pressed his tongue into Steve's finger as he massaged it. Bucky opened his eyes for a moment to see Steve's mouth gaped open, his eyes fixed on Bucky's mouth sucking on his fingers. Bucky let out a small moan at the sight which caused Steve's eyes to meet with Bucky's and furrow his eyebrows. "Fuck…" Steve drew. Bucky shut his eyes again, the embarrassment taking over once more.

Steve pulled his soaked finger from Bucky's sweet mouth and made his way back down with his now prepped hand. Bucky felt a tight pressure as Steve poked at Bucky's hole with his finger. He gasped and squeezed his eyes tighter. Steve massaged Bucky, starting with large circles around his entrance and continuing with smaller precise circles. Bucky felt the same pressure again as Steve's finger made its way inside him.

Steve pressed his lips against Bucky's lightly. "Just breathe baby." He whispered.

Bucky took a deep breath in, realizing he wasn't breathing for a while. He breath scattered as Steve pushed further in.

Steve brought his other hand to the back of Bucky's neck and rubbed gently behind his ear. "What color Buck?" His voice was still soft.

Bucky considered for a moment. But he wanted Steve. So badly. "Green." He breathed.

"Then just relax. I got you."

Bucky felt his tense muscles release as Steve spoke softly to him. He allowed Steve's finger to make its way all the way inside Bucky. Bucky focused on taking a couple deep breathes and relaxing, trying to get use to the feeling. His breathing was interrupted with a sharp gasp when Steve pinpointed the sensitive bundle of nerves inside Bucky.

Bucky saw stars as Steve gently massaged the area, picking up pace.

"S-STEVE!" Bucky choked, arching his back and wrapping his arms around Steve. He pulled Steve into him, biting onto his shoulder to stop himself from screaming. This sensation was new to Bucky and it was overwhelming.

Steve added a second finger, pushing Bucky to his breaking point once again and then after a few minutes of gentle massaging, pulled his fingers out right before Bucky lost himself completely.

Bucky was panting, and sweating, and he needed more. He already felt empty without Steve fingers rubbing inside of him.

Bucky kept his eyes closed, trying to wait patiently for whatever Steve was going to do next. He felt Steve's breath hit the side of his face. He spoke in a deep whisper. "Bucky…I need you to look at me for this part."

Bucky squeezed his eyes tighter, pulling his eyebrows together. He mentally tried to prepare himself for whatever Steve was going to do to him and batted his eyes open. He was met with Steve's beautiful blue eyes staring right back into him, bright blue…and needy.

Steve looked like he might lose his mind at any moment if he didn't get what his body was begging him for. What Bucky's body was begging him for. Bucky looked Steve deep in the eyes as Steve pressed the tip of his cock at Bucky's entrance. Steve was dripping with precum and used it to his advantage as he began to push into Bucky. He stopped suddenly when Bucky closed his eyes again.

"Look at me Bucky." Steve begged.

Bucky shot his eyes open biting his lip, searching through Steve's eyes. Steve was suffering without being inside Bucky.

Steve pushed in some more, making his mouth hang halfway open, never leaving Bucky's eyes.

Bucky winced but he needed more. He pushed his hips up greedily trying to intake all Steve had to offer. Steve collapsed onto Bucky at the sensation, breaking eye contact as he pushed himself the rest of the way in. He moaned loudly. Like he'd lost control and he was just as helpless as Bucky was now, caught in the tides to each other's will. Steve pressed into Bucky, picking up pace, panting. Steve pressed harder into Bucky each time their body's collided again. Neither Bucky nor Steve could help themselves from letting out sweet, soft noises with every breath they panted. Bucky's cock slid between Steve's stomach and his own, enhancing every feeling Steve was pushing into him. Bucky felt a familiar tightness build within him. He tried to warn Steve but all he could manage was grabbing onto his hair and screaming "STEVE!" as his cum splattered onto their stomachs.

That's when Steve broke, unable to hold on anymore. "Buck-y!" He moaned, pumping his seed into Bucky.

The explosion shook both of them as they rode out their orgasms. They relaxed onto the bed, Steve couldn't find the energy to push himself off of Bucky yet. They both panted for a few moments.

After Bucky caught control of his breath once again, he planted soft kisses on Steve's neck and stroked his hand through his hair. Steve began to relax after his first experience with another person. His head was still running in circles, he couldn't fully believe that this wasn't another dream. Bucky was really underneath him and they really did just…

"Steve…" Bucky's voice interrupted Steve's thoughts. His voice was soft and controlled. Bucky stopped the trembling long enough to speak his name.

Steve didn't move, still enjoying Bucky's warmth and kindness. "Yeah Buck?" he talked halfway into the pillow.

Bucky stopped stroking Steve's hair and hesitated for a moment before it finally came out as a scarce whisper. "…I love you."

Steve pushed himself up to look at Bucky, who looked terrified. Steve pressed his lips to Bucky's holding them there for a long while before he could gather whatever courage he had left. He parted slowly from Bucky's lips and hovered there for a moment.

"I love you too Bucky." He said it.

And it was worth it.

Bucky's eyes lit up as he wrapped his arms around Steve's neck and pulled him into another soft, long kiss.


End file.
